I'm the kind of person who always has a plan. I often fail at the steps needed to get to the plan, but I generally have some kind of a plan or scheme, some sort of grand next steps, something to work toward, or just something to countdown and look forward to.
I can't remember what that was in my marriage.
Awaiting a holiday, putting other commitments on the calendar, getting promotions at work. None of that is really something meaningful to work toward together.
I truly can't remember the last time we really had something we were working toward together.
We worked toward a house. . . 7 years ago. We planned a wedding. . . 8 years ago. We moved from one city to another. . . 9 years ago.
And, I'm not even really confident we is the right pronoun to apply to any of that.
But, really. We were holding onto a future together for a whole lot of years with absolutely no plan or direction. Why was it such a surprise, then, that things fell apart?
What really matters right now, though, is the choice to let go of all of that planned life.
What I've gained by letting go of that is a life I never ever realized I wanted.
And, that's pretty damn awesome.
