What to say?

What to say about today?

Today I am overwhelmed.
I am angry.
I am disappointed in myself.

I do a decent job of keeping everything together, of seeming okay.
(I even rocked a very big work thing today. Go me!) 
I deliberately plan things to look forward to.
I am great at finding diversions.
I laugh a lot.

Tonight it all has the better of me, though.

Two weeks is d-day. Instead of facing the deadline with organization and bravery and a fuck-it attitude, I'm stuck. I've put off the paperwork; the deadline is too close. I'm back in a not-good place that I didn't really ever want to have to go back to.

Tonight, it is just too hard to pretend that everything is okay.
I wish more people would be honest about that.

Dear Google,

Thank you for always helping me find just want I need. 

Well, that's not entirely true. Sometimes you help me find things I didn't even realize I needed or wanted to know.

This month, you've helped me learn about:

1. Lots of things for work, including: Common Core State Standards ELA, Dibels for PK, Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, 2011 Wisconsin Act 166
Google is always watching. Didn't realize that when I'm signed into my home email at work (not that I ever do that!!) Google tracks all of my searches.

2. Style Your Life
Wanted to get caught up on some outfit ideas for summer.

3. Restaurants
I Googled "Trinity Fond du Lac" to meet up with Angie for dinner last week. And, I Google "Maharaja Madison" several times (in the past two weeks). Ordering Indian take-out is the new black. I also Googled "Purple Door Ice Cream." Cannot wait to try that.

4. OK Cupid Self Summary
Yup. I Googled to get inspiration to write a self-summary for my online dating profile. Hanging head in shame. More about that another time.

5. Camp Wandawega
A crazy vaca idea compliments of Kelly. Speaking of Kelly, I also Googled, "Neely bacon recipe" on her behalf.

And, as a bonus confession - I never realized that I sometimes use Google in lieu of a dictionary or grammar handbook. Between 9:10 and 9:11 PM on May 1, I searched for piqued, pekd, and pekid. Pekid must have been the word I was going for. The same night I also searched for ulterior and alterior and i.e. and e.g.,. I have no idea what kind of super technical and fancy writing I was doing that night.


Love always,
Barb

Visit Angie, Emily, Katrina, and Stephanie to see what they've been Googling. You might especially want to check out Stephanie. She's been nervous about doing this post; it must be because she Googles some juicy things. 

Summer Outfit

Today's post was my pick. Summer fashion must-haves. 

Summer is my least favorite season to dress. My legs are completely white - even at the end of the summer. My arms are flabby. My toes don't always look perfectly polished. It's harder to hide the things I don't like about myself in summer clothes.

And, this is the first summer ever that I will be working full time all summer. It means I will need to be dressed for work most days. 

Hopefully, an outfit like this will work at my work most days. 

Summer Outfit by barb-e-novak featuring a stripe skirt

Boden long sleeve top
bodenusa.com

Old navy top
oldnavy.gap.com

Gap stripe skirt
gap.com

Reef beach shoes
zappos.com

Orla Kiely leather handbag
$330 - orlakiely.com

Cord bracelet
etsy.com

Watercolor Painting Heart Art Print Pink 8x10 Fine Art Print Love...
etsy.com

Ventage Tuesday: Hobbies gone bad.

Today, we (Angie, Em, Katrina, and Stephanie) share five photos that are each a "blast from the past." 

Mine happen to all be about hobbies gone bad.

1983? There was that time I took dance lessons. It's recorded (on a Beta tape!!). The family legend says that everyone else danced right and I went left. It's shaped how I feel about dancing in public even as an adult.

1990? Then, there was that time my grandma learned to weave baskets. Of course, I had to learn, too, because what 12 year old shouldn't have the exact same hobby as someone 50 years her senior!??!

Circa 1992ish. Seventh or eighth grade. I was too cool to have a hobby. Or wait. Look at that flannel shirt. Maybe I was failing miserably at being grunge - especially considering those earrings appear to be small, gold hearts.

1995? Family Christmas photo. Remember that time I learned to race sled dogs. What? I hate the cold and the wilderness. Yeah. Another not-so-great idea.

1997. Yes. That's me with another hobby intended for people 50 years older than me. Plus, being a harp player (or the musician of any instrument that goes between your spread knees) seriously limits one's fashion options.

Things I Love on a Thursday. . .

. . . seeing three of my bestest friends within 24 hours. I stuffed myself with pizza, read a book with Natalie, and stayed up late talking with Nicky. I shared Indian food with Angie and heard all about her little people. I bombed Stephanie's dinner plans and snuck in some snuggles with certain little dudes. Seeing these ladies left a big hole in my heart. I miss the time in my life when they were part of my everyday reality.

. . . sleeping in my own bed. Tonight will be the second consecutive night (after almost two weeks away from home) that I will create a little nest amongst my own blankets and pillows.

. . . Scandal. Cannot wait for a new episode tonight. Am hoping I manage to stay away.

. . . planning and scheming. Thinking about the weekend. Scheming about food, drink, and pie.

. . . beverages. At one point today, I had a glass of water, an iced tea from McDonalds, and a gas station cappuccino all lined up in my work space. This was after a homemade latte and before a Frappuccino.

. . . green grass. It's starting to be a common site around here. Finally.

Ventage Tuesday: Daily Stuff

Today's topic: Five products I use daily

1. Google. My tour guide of choice for the information superhighway.

2. Aveda. Shampoo. Facial line. Hair product. I'm sort of a junkie.

3. Polka dots. I've developed an obsession. Bags. Shirts. Dresses. Underwear. Shoes. Someone recently told me that people who wear polka dots are memorable. Even more of a reason.

4. Ford. Current car = Ford Fusion. I spend lots of time in my car.

5. Nespresso. I haven't been home much lately, but my morning routine includes a honey latte made at home in a favorite stainless mug.

Meal Plan # 7: Mad Men Dinner Party

I'm traveling for work from what seems like now until the end of time.

Only meal I'm cooking this week is for a Mad Men premiere party. I'm thinking nothing would excite the ad men (and their women) quite like a fondue party.

Spinach Artichoke Cheese Fondue
Shrimp and Steak cooked in Coq au Vin
(with spicy cocktail sauce and gorgonzola port dipping sauce)
Orange Chocolate Fondue

Drinks:
Moscow Mule
Sloe Gin Fizz

Meal Plan # 6

(Someone bought three pounds of asparagus at Costco. So, this is "The Week of Asparagus." My pee will smell very bad.)

Monday: Shrimp Saganaki (with roasted asparagus)
Tuesday: Asparagus Risotto (probably with rotisserie chicken)
Wednesday: Halibut en Papillote
Thursday: Ziti with Asparagus, Mozzarella, and Prosciutto (probably with chicken sausage)
Friday: Who knows - leftovers? dining out?
Saturday & Sunday: Eating my way through Chicago, KP style

Meal Plan # 5

Summer Dinner (a few weeks ago when it seemed like spring might actually happen)

Sunday: Pizza and Chopped Salad
Monday: Chicken Rollatini with Spinach and Parmesan (and leftover salad)
Tuesday: Chicken, Avocado, and Bacon Sandwich with Broccoli Leek Soup
Wednesday: Cheeseburger Mac
Thursday: Stuffed Portabellos (and spinach salad with bacon dressing)
Friday: Shrimp Saganaki (with steamed broccoli and crusty bread)

Love Letters

Dear Awkward People,
I love when you say strange things about my divorce. My favorites include: "Congratulations!" "Is it mutual?" and "I always thought you'd get divorced." It is about the only part of getting divorced that I find hilarious.
Too Sweet.

Dear Al Gore,
There are few people who have impacted my life quite the way you have. I do appreciate your warnings about global warming, and I definitely admire all you did as vice president. Mostly, though, my life would not be the same without your Internet. I love the Internet. I appreciate your uncelebrated genius, Al Gore. 
My Man.

Dear Walmart,
I love that walking through your doors (or even just entering your parking lot) is enough to make me feel good about myself. I feel beautiful and wealthy and thin and fashionable and successful in your presence.
Very Hot.

Dear MASH,
(Mansion. Apartment. Shack. House. = MASH)
I remember really loving you in middle school. You made the future seem so simple. You made me laugh. You made completely meaningless predictions.
(In case you were wondering, I will live in a shack in Paris with Bradley Cooper. We will drive a silver Land Rover. I will be a famous blogger.)


Dear Ventage Girls,
I love your humor, your eclectic-ness, your honesty, your fashion sense, your willigness to enable, your willingness to forgive. 
Will U B Mine?


For more love notes, read this hilarious Huffington Post article.
Or visit my Ventage Girls:
Angie
Emily
Katrina
Stephanie

Project Life: Week 44

Not my greatest photography job. I was thinking I could get by with two albums, but - like you can see - this one is getting pretty full. 

Week 44 was my first full week in Madison.

A Ventage Girls' Take on Winter

Photo taken last Sunday in Chicago. 

Temperature = 14ish + Wind (aka cold)

It's easy to think friendly thoughts about winter today because the expected high temperature is 55 degrees. Not -55 degrees - actual 55 degrees. In Wisconsin. In late-January.

It doesn't get better than that, friends.

So, on this day when it's easy to be bright and shiny, I give you a special winter list.

Five Things I Actually Like About Winter

1. Needing lots of blankets on the bed.

There is something I totally love about snuggling into a bed filled with quilts and blankets. It's very peaceful.

2. Hot beverages.

Hot chocolate. Fancy coffee drinks. Tea. They all taste just a little better in cold weather. 

3. Tights.

Winter fashions, in general, are some of my favorites. Boots. Sweaters. Corduroy. Layers. Scarves. Puffy vests.

4. Big snowflakes.

Unlike Em, I'm not a big fan of snow. (Although, a year ago snow days would have made my list of favorite things about winter.) I do love the  giant, fluffy snowflakes that fall slowly. Those are pretty - from inside the warm house.

5. Television.

Cold weather and early dark nights make for great excuses for watching even more television than usual.

Hello. . .

Hello. . . new haircut. I want to grow it out. Jalin said I needed to go a little shorter to go longer - something about making things a little more even. I trust her judgment. I just need to learn how to style it.

Hello. . . very serious chocolate cravings. I have wanted nothing but chocolate all day. I caught myself daydreaming (several times) about a chocolate bar with caramel pieces in it I ate at Max Brenner almost two months ago, which - BTW - cannot be purchased online.

Hello. . . wanting to see a movie this week. Contenders include: Zero Dark Thirty or Argo.

Hello. . . serious shocker on Downton Abbey. I'm still reeling.

Hello. . . to a reminder from Katrina to think about happiness.

Meal Plan # 4

One. Chicken Rollatini with Spinach

Two. Beef and Broccoli

Three. Spinach Salad with Salmon

Four. Butternut Squash Risotto (add chicken)

Five. Pork Tenderloin (from the butcher)

Project Life: Week 43

Love how this week turned out - the colors are super fun.

I have these envelopes in every size. This is the first time I actually used one. It's filled with cards and well wishes from starting my new job.

Project Life: Week 41

I'm still working on my Project Life. I haven't given up. I have everything I need to get started with my 2013 album, and I will get started. I plan to keep plugging away at 2012, though. I'll finish. I know it.

I did figure out a little about what I have done as some motivation.

• I have 28 weeks completely done. Some of those still need to be photographed and shared here.
• I have 8 more weeks started. Many of them just need some handwritten journaling. I'll do that this weekend.
• That means I have 16 weeks to complete. I do have all the "stuff" from those weeks completely organized, marked with dates, and ready to add to my album.

Another little tidbit. . . I've made it almost all the way through 2012 and have only used the weird plaid title card one time. Oddly enough, I really like the way the plaid-inspired week came together. I mixed it with coordinating cards from my Core Kit, Studio Calico's Darling Dear, some washi tape, and a few Ormolu tags.

Remembering: Cosmopolitan

I took a lot of weekend bus trips for high school forensics. Every bus trip involved junk food and a copy of Cosmopolitan.

I didn't read the fashion and make-up articles.

I read the relationship and sex articles, and I lived for the quizzes.

A lot of what I knew about relationships and women's health came from Cosmo.

Feeling a little nostalgic, I visited their website tonight.

Here are a few of the top stories:

• "Six Reasons to Sleep Naked" Reason # 1 (I know you're wondering...) is to, "air out your hoo-ha."
• "What Your Hair Says About You"  There wasn't a hairstyle even remotely close to mine. Apparently, short hair doesn't speak.
• "Seven Ways Sex Keeps You Healthy"  Oddly enough, reason 4 is, "It Keeps you healthy."
• "How to Get a Guy to Like You" Apparently, I should be spraying perfume in my hair, walking in a certain way, grazing his arm, showing some skin, and tilting my face forward when we talk.
• "Quiz: Are You Way Too Obsessed With Your Ex?" My results? Turns out Cosmo is still wise. I'm a "Better-Off-Without-Him Babe:" To you, an ex is like vending-machine candy: tempting when there's nothing better around but not worth the inevitable crash. "You're saving up for something more satisfying, which is why you turn to friends when you're lonely and don't pine much over momentos," says Marie Forleo, author of Make Every Man Want You. Still, you appreciate the relationship for what it was: a chance to figure out what you do and don't want in a partner. 

Plus, the search bar suggested I look at: birth control, long haircuts, bb creams, or date ideas.

At first, I was amazed that this was what fascinated me in high school.  Was I really that shallow?

Then, I just wondered, "When did I get so old?!"

Once I got over that (it took awhile), I wondered how I managed to become a successful adult woman despite spending my hard-earned minimum wage paycheck buying countless issues of Cosmo. How did it not destroy my views about relationships? How did it not change how I felt about my body? How did it not transform me into a total sexpot?!?

I found myself getting really judgmental about the messages the magazine sends to young women about what it means to be a woman.

At 34, I work hard to be an independent, smart, and successful person. I don't measure my worth on my appearance or relationships. I do not want to compromise who I am to have a boyfriend.

I'm so far above looking at articles about celebrity bulges or comparing the efficiencies of different forms of birth control. I'm too smart to read Cosmo.

Or am I?

It was fun to read Cosmo tonight - just like I enjoy watching the Kardashians, reading mindless romance novels, and gossiping about celebrities.

That doesn't make me less of an independent woman or lower my intellect. It makes me complex and interesting.

No apologies.

Ventage Girls: Reading is Sexy

Image shamelessly used from Brandon Peat.

Today we talk about books - specifically five books that are on the "to read" list. 

There are actually 317 books on my "To Read" shelf on GoodReads. There are cookbooks, children's books, memoirs, fiction, books about literacy, and a little bit of self-help. I went through that list to pick five to make priorities.

1. The Red Tent

One of Angie's favorites, it's been on my list of things to read for a very long time. I will make time for it in 2013.

2. Behind the Beautiful Flowers

Non-fiction about Mumbai. Totally intrigued. Something I know very little about.

3. The Round House

Every now and then I want to read something because it is beautiful writing and will give me something to think about. I can't help it. It's the English major in me. That's why this one made the list.

4. Firefly Lane

For when I want to read something completely mindless.

5. The Happiness Project

I bought a copy of this when it came out. I don't think I ever read it, though. I will soon. This is, after all, the year of "happy."

Visit my Ventage Girls for more recommendations:

Angie

Em

Katrina

Stephanie

Currents

Look! Digital Currents. They usually end up getting cut and pasted to be printed out for my Project Life. Figured I'd pretty it up this week.

Brushes: Studio Calico.
Journaling Card: Tina Aszmus

happy in 2013

Made playing with a very cool iPad app, Paper.

2012: Savor

2011: Better

I didn't get particularly far with either word. This year I want to set myself up for success.

2013: Happy

I want to notice things that make me happy. 

I want to find new things that make me happy. 

Happy will lead to awesome, right?

In January, I will just notice. Where do I see happy around me?